I recently had a Dexa scan. I love numbers and trends, so I thought it would be interesting to see what would change in my body over time by adding in strength training. So this was the pre-scan. But because I love numbers, I knew what those numbers should look like if I was “healthy”. Now in case you don’t know, a Dexa scan measures your body fat, both visceral (around the organs - the bad kind) and subcutaneous (the wiggly jiggly that you see), your lean body mass and your bone mineral density.
Being a “woman of a certain age,” aka postmenopausal, you hear a lot about how important bone mineral density is. You also hear a lot about how important strength training and protein intake is. So embarking on strength training is my next new thing. I’ve always hated lifting weights, and I far prefer plant protein over meat, but as someone who is constantly striving to learn and grow, there is always something new to do to support my growth as a human.
It’s not like I’ve been lazy thus far. I walk a brisk three miles a day with my dog and do “functional training” two to three times a week. This consists of a series of pushups, squats and planks. I also ride my bike whenever I can - obviously more in the summer and fall than other times of the year. Additionally, I love to hike and paddle board. In other words, I like to be outside moving as much as possible. I’m no athlete, but I’m no slouch either.
In the last twenty years or so I’ve prioritized whole foods, minimized processed foods and focused on nourishing my body and exercising. In the past three years I’ve made great strides in optimizing my sleep and managing my stress in a supportive way. I’ve “worked through” some past trauma, healed my pulmonary hypertension, and learned to acknowledge that I actually have feelings and that they are ok. And also, in the last three years, I became postmenopausal. And that has really f***ed with my body.
It is well known that menopause changes all your metrics - raises your blood sugar, raises your bad cholesterol, raises your blood pressure, makes you more prone to joint pain and broken bones - essentially puts you at risk for all the “lifestyle” diseases just because you no longer make estrogen. I know this now, but didn’t know it going into menopause, so unfortunately all those metrics started to change for me, despite my “healthy” lifestyle. I’m hoping that optimizing bioidentical estradiol will reverse some of these processes or at least stop them in their tracks.
So back to the Dexa scan. The good news is my bone mineral density is in the 85th percentile for my age. Yay! I’ve had so many people tell me that running, cycling and walking don’t count. But maybe they do a little.
Now to the number that almost undid me. I’m going to be completely vulnerable and share it with you because I think transparency is important. My total body fat was 37%. The bad stuff (visceral) was just barely above the ‘healthy range’ and in the ‘at risk’ range. But seriously 37%????? For someone in the health and wellness industry this was a rather alarming statistic. Before being curious about this, I was pissed off. All that effort for nothing? Now twenty or thirty years ago, I would have been tempted to also be ashamed of that number and call myself all kinds of awful names. I know better now. So after a day or two, I got pretty curious.
I was under the impression, from all the podcasts I listen to, that lean body mass has a huge impact on bone mineral density, so you want less fat and more lean mass. Makes sense. But here I am with way more fat than necessary and yet I have really good bones.
A friend was visiting me at the time I got these results. A tiny friend. And she said to me: “but you have breasts!” I got curious about the impact of breast tissue on the Dexa scan, so, loving numbers I did some research and calculations. I asked google how much my breasts weigh based on my bra size. The answer was 1.65 - 2.0 pounds each. Assuming that the majority of my breast tissue is fat, it accounts for 5.5 to 7.0 % of my total fat. Does that mean then, that this news might not be as alarming as I think? Not being a math genius, I’m not sure I set up the problems correctly, but still, one has to wonder about the differences in bodies of various shapes and sizes and the optimal ranges for metrics such as body fat.
My initial reaction was: I have to fix this. I need to change my diet and work out like a crazy person to fix this. Gotta fix the numbers. But metrics without meaning are useless. And I can't help but wonder about the necessity for all these precise ways of measuring our healthworth. And at least in my case, focusing on fixing the metrics distracts me from living my life in the present. It creates a sense of dissatisfaction, of “less than,” of “not enough”. So when I examine these metrics through the lens of curiosity instead of a commentary on my relative worth, it puts them in their proper place.
What I know is that this body is strong. It is healthy - even if the numbers say something less than ideal. I can wake up every day and go about all my tasks with energy, vitality and joy. I can get up and down off the floor. I can push, pull, bend and lift. I can mountain bike and hike and go supping. I’m still going to focus on strength training and protein. And I am still going to hope that some of those scary trends I’ve seen in my healthworth numbers start to reverse. But it won’t be my goal. My goal is to make the most of this one life I get, day by day. I want to live each day fully present, fully alive. To bring hope and healing to the world in whatever way I can, whenever I can, however I can. And as much as I love numbers, I refuse to let them define me.
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